How our Ancestral wisdom shows us the Sacredness of Relationships
We have all grown up with this world. Men have primarily ruled for centuries and we have had to make our lives fit into what this world has done. Men are the “breadwinners” and women care for the home. That’s how it’s been for centuries, but times have changed. Women in the workplace. Women fighting wars. And we have come to see that we need to change as well.
Okay, women can do anything men can do (possibly short of certain physical tasks – strength wise I mean). Still, that does not put us on even footing. The ingrained prejudices formed over the aeons that we have come to accept as true keep holding us back.
“Women can’t do this or that”, “their emotions get in the way”, “they are weaker”, “they don’t have the killer instinct” ... whatever excuse the society can come up with is where they have gone. It does not only hold women back; it presents men with the difficulty of recognizing value in their colleagues— or their life-partners. The need is to realize that all people have talents and value, and recognizing what those values are. “Why do I think this person is incapable?”
As a manager of people, I have recognized that you don’t send a tackle out for a pass, nor would you have a quarterback go out for a tackle. That is just common sense. Certain people are better at some things than others. In business, we recognize those traits and allow folks to be their best. This does not mean that they are of a lesser value. It means that we recognize their value.
But it’s deeper than that. Men talk to women as though they are better; that the woman should be subservient. A true partnership involves respect both ways. Just because a man is stronger, or has certain abilities does not make him better. His wife may be really good at many things … driving a tractor, or reasoning, nursing wounds or countless other things. If she is not recognized, this can lead to the woman feeling defensive or even striking back. That in turn can make a man defensive.
We have a spiritual obligation. The respect is what matters. Hōʻihi. Respect for everything that is sacred. If your relationship is sacred, any relationship, then you recognize that the ones in that relationship are sacred. Your wife, your children, your kūpuna, your friends. All are sacred; and if they are sacred, then we must treat them as such. We do not berate or criticize or find fault. That is hoʻohalahala. (Looking for an excuse or blame that is outside ourself) We hold them high. We Kōkua, help to raise each other higher. This is Hōʻihi. This is sacred. In current vernacular, we have shadow work to do. Looking deep within to see what we can do to make things pono; to correct.
In our ancient societies, so much of our history is passed down through the women. In my Hawaiian culture, the genealogy is passed down through the women. The holdings were of the woman. The men were the protectors and enforcers, but the women held the power. The same goes for many indiginous cultures. The men are strong so they hunt. The women make the rest of the world go ‘round.
Our ancestal wisdom tells us that there are three connections to the sacred. In Hawaiian, three piko. Places of source. First is the piko poʻo, the top of the head where oneʻs spirit exits or enters in dreams or in life; to our kūpuna, our ancestors. Second is the piko naʻau or the belly button center. This is how we are connected to our kupuna wahine, our mother and their mothers. Third is our piko maʻi or genetalia. This ties us to our birth as well. So you see, all three of our piko, our points of connection, tie us to the woman. All three tell us that our present is due to our history and that history is because of our women. All three tell us that the woman is sacred.
The saying goes that behind every succesful man stands a woman (who is equally surprised). But truthfully, the women are the real backbone. They give us life, they nurse our children and our wounds. In times of famine, the women make sure that the children survive. We, as men need to learn to treat and speak to them respectfully and with love, knowing that they are our past and our future. Knowing that the women are our strength. We, as men, need to reach down deep and find the things that are holding us back from understanding and inner peace. Trust, faith and aloha. True love and understanding can only come with respect, with hōʻihi.
